Unsex Me Here.

You spirits, that tend on mortal thoughts.

So let's talk sex. A kiss could be sex. A gentle squeeze of the arm as a parting gesture, could be sex. The stroke of the palm on the cheek could be sex. The stroke of the palm on the ... could be sex. The clasp of hands during an orgasm, could very well be sex. The comforting hug afterwards, could be sex too.

Wearing a skin-tight leather dress in public, could be sex. Exposing as much skin as possible, could be sex. Maintaining finishing school posture, could also be sex. Revealing just a bit too much of that lacy bra, could be sex. Walking around in nothing but a bin bag, also sex.

What determines sex? Who determines it, rather? Is it the whole copulative process that represents sex, while all others just become innocent personal expressions? Does it matter that you haven't had more than 2 hours of conversation with the person? Does it matter that you have? Could it be that you feel some sort of unexplainable bond with the said party? Could it mean that you feel nothing at all, except some kind of seemingly insatiable animal passion?

Maybe the fact that you have a purpose makes a difference. What if you have no purpose at all, or something totally psychotic, perhaps in the name of friendship? What if you merely have a burning curiosity of what it's all about, or the need for proof for your skepticism? What if your clock is ticking?

Tick. Tock. Tick.

I have yet to reach a conclusion (Sorry if you were hoping for one, you should very well know I seldom have an answer to any of my questions.) But I have realised that moving out from home (at such a young age as well) and to a place with starkly different cultures and social conventions can change your perspective on life in general, better than any old fable or anecdote you might have been told. I had made principles for myself before moving out, and was quite content with them. But moving to a place where you have no companions or anyone you can relate to, almost forces you to change into someone the locals can recognise. You transform into something that allows you to relate yourself to the others, even if you can't recognise yourself.

It is sad. When you have to forget you thought you were, and pick out a new personality to try on. You never know if it will appeal to the rest, and more importantly if it will fit you. So it begins, the process of self-discovery. You have no clues, no directions and no right answers but plenty of wrong ones. Those who came to love you as you were before, may leave because they no longer appreciate your new personality. And the people you try so hard to impress, may decide they don't really like you that much anyway.

So what are you left with? Nothing. No side to defend you in your times of greatest need, no purpose to fight for, and no person to see you through the hardest period in your life.

You only have yourself, when all you wanted was everyone else.

And that's where the lesson lies isn't it? The higher power would not have been able to make it clear to you otherwise. It wanted to make it clear that the only person you should ever have to need and want is yourself; everyone else being a delightful bonus. Because the only person who will be there for you until the end is yourself, you can't lose it and you can't change it.

But I digress. This all relates to sex in some weird foreign way, but I basically wanted to make clear that as my perception of life has changed, so has my perception of intimacy and sex. When you should do it. How soon you should do it. With whom. How far you should go. I think I have new answers for them, but I don't think I can reveal them right now and right here, because it's something personal. More personal than this blog. And if it bothers you that much that you have to know, then you can ask me in person.

Knowing me, I will explain it to you in explicit detail.

So, sex? Fun times, no biggie. Once that's done, you can unsex me a la Lady Macbeth.

Because power has no gender.

Cheers.