I've Got Alot To Say To You.

Could I spend my whole life pretending?

It is inevitable that people run away from me.

EITHER

I move ever so close to them because I feel a certain ... feeling deep down and I somehow translate this burning desire into something legible across my face. And so they fear me and run away.

OR

I am such a rotten bitch to the ones who show a little something to me because they are not who I ask for. And so they call me a rotten bitch and move along.

And I am quite sure that the laws of karma are working their magic to link the two scenarios together. Even more so because I believe in it and I think it seems to believe in me.

What is the big idea about me getting all worked up for nothing? At one point in the day, I feel like a total crime scene because my life has just seemed to fall apart in front of me and the people who usually help bring me back to sanity (what sanity?) are a little bit further away. And at a completely different hour, I feel on top of the world as if my ego has just been carressed by Gabe.

Bytheway, I saw a Gabe Saporta in front of my eyes earlier. All I wanted to do was to go Bianca on him.

And the feeling just goes on. My infatuation. My longing. Me missing all the wrong things. You might think that perhaps you can validate all this chaos because I must know this person really well and we have known each other for quite some time.

BUT THAT IS NEVER THE CASE WITH ME.

Within a minute of meeting you, I am head over heels, spun around on my collarbone, ready to leap over electric train tracks for you. Here I am, spotting all the good things I can find about you, blatantly ignoring the bad. And you haven't even moved the world for me yet.

I really hate these 10-minute infatuations that are happening to me. No, scratch that.

Infatuations after 10 minutes.

And it doesn't help that you do everything right.

Cheers.

*Thank goodness for you. Eight hours behind everyone really doesn't help communication.

We Are Not Who You Think We Are.

We're worse.

Here I am, from across the world typing furiously at my computer (my own!) in a house full of sleeping occupants. Fancy. It's only been 4 days and I have been through enough drama to last me a lifetime. There are emotions flooding my system, things holding me back and things pushing me away. People calling me here and dragging me back there. And something anchoring me down, whilst fighting everything else.

Instead of throwing it all out on this page, I think I'll dwell on it for a while.

Fall in love a bit and then ignore you.

Cheers.

Love Long Distance.

And I will thank you for your cooperation.

I still wonder how on earth I come up with these titles and title-links.

A quick post here. I am running bag and forth (pardon the pun) filling up the respective suitcases with memories and travel buddies. Each of them are now topped up to the brim, and I am not planning to stop there. I'm going past brim, up and away.

I've just got to say that I hope that this shall be one of the most wonderful experiences of my life, as is promised. Hopefully this event sets the stage for my future - em ... literally.

To all those I'm not taking with me, I virtually am still there, just a contact on a screen I suppose, but digitally there nonetheless. Please take care of yourselves, because you've all got it in you to be the best you can. Don't take shit, but please give it freely.

And don't, please don't, bring yo' drama here.

Cheers.

*PS. Next post : From the other side of the world!

I Wish He Told Me.

Why it has to be this way.

Speaking of which, I wish Bradley Cooper would tell me what makes me so attracted to him.

He isn't conventionally attractive and he has some pretty terrible angles and yet something about him is so charmingly sexy. So naughty. So I-am-alive-in-this-picture-and-visually-stripping-you. Maybe it's that part Italian in him (and part Irish, for your information.)

I have a thing for Latinos, in case you haven't noticed.

Oh, Jen sweetheart, what have you let go off. He's gone all Renee on you now.

Cheers.

Shades of The Orient.

The most beautiful thing I ever saw.

Breaking News via Twitter

Gabe Saporta says

fuck yeah UK! love you. c u soon!

Fingers quadrupled crossed that I will have the money and the time to be right upfront where he can spot this hot mess, grooving so hard to his voice.

XXX

I love love love The Nanny. Don't ever take that away from me; I'll kill you. And I never thought I'd say this - but Friends could potentially take a backseat in this race.

XXX

Why does everything that has happened in the past few days remind me of leaving to start a new chapter in life? To an extent, it thrills me. The mere prospect of it all is just exhilarating. Here I am, waiting to dust off bad memories and start anew halfway across the world.


And then, I'm a little upset. A little bit of nostalgia is holding me back. I can't help but think of all the things I have experienced these past years. Growing up, maturing, evolving. And meeting people who really do care for me. And those who don't.

And still these mixed feelings seem to have done nothing for my nasty habit of procrastination. 3 days and counting and I'm bumming around, enjoying myself immensely. Maybe it's because it's the first bit of rest my head has been able to feel in a long time. The first time in a long time I don't have to worry about things that are simply flying past me.

I've got to start getting my act together, being responsible for myself and my actions, and actually remembering things that I have to do.

Oy. Good luck to me.

From now on, I can't rely on childish assumptions or think that everything is going to be okay even if I don't do anything.

And that money doesn't grow on trees.

Cheers to a new beginning (there was never an ending), to a new chapter in my life, and good health and prosperity.

(Anyone else got booze in their hand?)

Cheers.

Something About You.

Drives me away from here.

A mashed potato of things. Brace yourselves.

1. I am currently listening to The Cure, just so I can validate the hype. By the end of this post, I shall revelate.

2. There is something to be said about blogs unlike mine.

Abandoned (I shall not speak too soon.) - Maybe the author is caught up in love.

Looks like a dictionary - Ah, too much to say. A camera might help.

Looks like your first picture book - In desperate need of a dictionary.

Looks like a menu - Will eventually need a gym.

Dedicated to love and its substitutes - Needs to abandon the blog.

And what about the ones that resemble a gallery of Fashion Week polaroids?

LOVE.

I think there is a switch in the back of my brain that gets turned on by pictures. Fashion pictures. Pictures of models painted head to toe in makeup. Video shots of runway shows. Backstage footage. The whole hype of fashion zooming past you.

It's like a virtual world. Full of colour, velocity and electricity. I zips me straight to Fashion Week.

Because of the horrible timing, I will not be able to make it for SS09/10 in London. But rest assured, you can book my seat for AW10/11 right now.

3. Cobra Starship did not win Best Pop Video, and yes Gabe, I agree that Miss Spears should have at least showed her fat thighs at the VMAs.

BUT number one, she was obviously going to win. And number two, welcome to Showbiz.

Didn't anyone break the rules down for you, my love?

4. New York Fashion Week has made me so happy these days. GO Zac Posen! I will find pictures, and I will post them up very soon.

5. 5 days and counting. I haven't even taken apart my room yet.

6. The Cure is nothing major. I'm sorry Cure fans ( ... Lady Gaga ... ) I really don't see the hype.

By the way - fake blood?

MAYJAH.

Cheers.

The Hills Are Alive.

With drama. The way I like it.

To all those who make it a point to abstain from all forms of drama, I think you should also maintain a distance from this post, because it shall very soon ooze drama. I am going to talk about one of my unexplained addictions, particularly the one to the MTV series The Hills.

I love MTV.

Anyway.

The Hills. A show built on the immature relationships of rich American teens who somehow manage to have everything. I mean, from the amount MTV is paying them to have cameras strapped to their asses, I stop asking why. But then again, could you really have people following you around, snapping up every snide comment you make in passing or taking a jab at your outfit when you didn't have enough time to dress or showing you where your boyfriend really was last night?

The life of a celebrity, my dahlings. Deal with it.

So let's break it down. The cast :

Lauren Conrad

Audrina Patridge

Lo Bosworth

Heidi Montag

Spencer Pratt

Stephanie

Justin Bobby

Brody Jenner

Jayde

Stacie

Kelly Cutrone

Lauren is the centre of the story. Lo and Audrina are her friends. Heidi and Lauren used to be best friends. Heidi and Spencer are dating. Stephanie is Spencer's sister. Audrina and Justin Bobby are dating. Brody Jenner and Jayde are dating. Stacie is the bartender. Kelly Cutrone is Lauren's boss.

THE DRAMA.

Lauren and Lo have always been friends as far as I know. Audrina and Lauren weren't always friends because someone started a rumour that Justin Bobby was cheating on Audrina with Lauren (Not true.)

Heidi and Lauren used to be best friends, but Spencer started a rumour that Lauren had a sex tape with her previous boyfriend Jason (Not true) and Heidi didn't stand up for her best friend, because she was so in love. Heidi has so far been trying to get back into Lauren's life but the latter isn't allowing that to happen.

Also Spencer flirted with Stacie at the bar and Cameron, Stephanie's ex-boyfriend sees this and tells Heidi, leading her to call Spencer on the spot. Spencer gets mad and punches Cameron. Heidi and Spencer now attend couple therapy. In this whole relationship, Spencer has so far destroyed Heidi's relationship with her sister, her mother and Lauren.

Stephanie is Spencer's wishy washy sister, who can't really tell right from wrong. She fucks up the internship Kelly Cutrone gives her at People's Revolution and then later blames it on Kelly to her face. In the previous season, Stephanie went out with Doug, who was seeing Lauren at the time. Stephanie is also trying to get Lauren to forgive Heidi, but ends up pissing Lauren off instead.

Brody and Audrina have something going on, while Brody is dating Playmate Jayde. Audrina sleeps in Brody's bed and Jayde gets all bitchy, not to mention she drinks like a fish. Brody eventually chooses his girlfriend over his friend.

Kelly Cutrone is drama-less. She is just stone, cold and sober. But from what I see, also a good boss.

And now that Season 5 is over, Lauren is leaving. Now this saddens me so, because she is the only smart one in the group who actually makes sense when she decides things or when she argues. She has her reasons, and she stands by them. And she doesn't slut around.

Season 6. Some chick called Kristin Cavallari is replacing Lauren Conrad. And according to reliable sources, she is a right bitch. She and Lauren hate each other because they were both running after the same guy blah blah blah Kristin is apparently a real bitch, because she played dirty.

We'll see how this plays out as Lauren walks off with the brains of the show, leaving the bitch behind.

I really do advise people to watch this show. Because for all the various types of relationships people have entered, endured and ended, The Hills has seen it happen and it will show you just what each outcome will mean for you. So it's no point having your friend tell you the same thing over and over again just to have you brush it away as 'just another opinion', when all the answers you want are on this show. How to stand up for yourself, how to be strong, how to know that he's not for you, how to know he is.

How to know if you're just doing it because he loves you.

Really, people.

Your friend will thank you. Or buy you the box set.

Cheers.

Is Anyone Lurving You?

Cos I'm lurving you now.




My first ever pair of skinny jeans at such an affordable skinny jeans price. I've never been able to wear skinnies without looking like a local stereotype (particularly a retarded anorexic motorcyclist who really has no capacity for anything more intellectually-stimulating than an easy fuck.)


So because I've got wide hips and ... an ass, skinnies don't like me. But it all turned around when I found this anti-discriminatory pair just waiting for me to pick it up and fall in love with it.

The pair pretty much looks like the picture above, except that at the bottom it has this edgy zippers.

My seemingly insatiable zipper obsession, yes I know.

MEANWHILE.

What is with me blogging about my latest buys? Have I really got nothing to say? Or maybe it's that burden of guilt resting on my shoulders because I kinda sorta killed my fashion blog after two posts. Which is really dead by the way, in case you forgot to notice.

Or maybe I am just so excited that I am actually moving and shaking the fashion world in my own little way. By choosing statement pieces that scream something to me in our own little Statement Piece Language that no one else understands. And afterwards Fashion Detectives translate this and flash-bulletin it to the world as the new and wonderful trends.

'Youz thinkz I amz vonderfulz?'

'Ohz zanks youz, Statementz Peez.'

Cheers.

She's Too Young.

To be losing control.

I moan for a lot of little things. Little little things that shouldn't affect me but do. Things that don't even occur to other people as being problems.

And things others plainly take for granted.

But I do moan for them. Because I don't have it. And to see others just making full use of it and having the time of their lives with it sometimes makes me ... reflect.

Reflect on how it would have been had I not. How it would have been if I had known this is how I would feel a decade later. Reflect on whether the outcome would in fact be better had I not.

Reflect on why all the reflection.

And yet, reality hits me like a slap in the head. It can't be any other way because it just isn't. I am on a different path and I should be thankful for it.

If only there was a way for the Fates to tell me how to be a little more grateful and not moan about why it is this way. The way hungry children receive bowls of rice, without asking what is due in return. The way an estranged lover runs back into the relationship, without the partner wondering what overcame him.

The way I should be doing this.

I know that a year, is just a year. If I am meant to miss something, maybe it's so I can discover just how to approach it the next time the opportunity arrives.

But I don't like conforming. Conforming to the way things are, and not fighting for the way it should be. I want to break the cycle, before it breaks me.

And that, may be one of the biggest battles of my lifetime.

Cheers.

Tooth.

Alot of tooth.

And so I was browsing through the very very chic http://www.etsy.com/ and I stumbled upon this :

It is not a new craving, for I have not given up on my flat boots yet. But rather it is something I have already purchased. For twice the cost of a Happy Meal. And I'm sure ten times cheaper than the original.

It's Evan Picone, a 60 year-old brand famous for classic trends in skirts and dresses. Which makes my skirt ...

VINTAGE.

Holla.

I have a nouveau appreciation for my skirt.

Cheers.

Zip Me Up.

I wanna party, babe.

So remember readers when I was whining about my lovely pencil skirt I had reserved but didn't bother to make its reservation because I basically CBA about alot of things until desperation wrings me out?

I have something to tell you.

And it's mayjah dahlings, mayjah.

Yes. It was waiting for me still. In a slightly different tone but nevertheless, waiting.

(It's just like the skirt above, except bluish and with a fab bronze tone zip all the way down the front, and with cute little pockets on the sides and NOT Bottega Veneta.)

WAIT. Totally Bottega Veneta.

And so people, I have yet again surpassed another milestone of my infinite haute couture quest to ... infinitely discover haute couture pieces and add them to my wardrobe.

Those flat boots are seriously calling out.

To Neverland!

Cheers.

Not That I Want To.

But fuck you.

First,

What the fuck does OM NOM NOM mean?

It doesn't sound like mastication or swallowing, and when you say it, it sounds like you're mashing your food with your palate.

Second,

Don't talk to me when I'm angry. Because seriously, think about it. Would you talk to someone just as they want to pull out their hair? No. Because they will either ignore you, or pull yours instead. And it's funny that people haven't yet realised I have a very short fuse.

Third,

I hope you guys aren't sex-mad bitches. Because there is only room for one in my town.

Fourth,

Pri still hasn't told me things. Secrets are dangerous, sweetheart.

Fifth,

My ancestors were Jewish. This now proves my genetic relation to Fran Fine.

Sixth,

If the fuckers make me run back and forth the whole of next week fixing things, I will break someone's neck. Because I don't have time OR the money to do what I'm supposed to do over and fucking over again. And you don't give me what I want, I am seriously fucked.

Seventh,

I have not used 'fuck' in a long time. This relapse feels so good.

And eighth,

I had a chance to get this today, but some things came up and I fucking missed my chance. And I have a feeling that when I actually do get the chance, someone else would have been in the right mind to buy it as soon as they saw it.

The most fitting skirt I have ever slipped into.

Cheers.