The Hills Are Alive.

With drama. The way I like it.

To all those who make it a point to abstain from all forms of drama, I think you should also maintain a distance from this post, because it shall very soon ooze drama. I am going to talk about one of my unexplained addictions, particularly the one to the MTV series The Hills.

I love MTV.

Anyway.

The Hills. A show built on the immature relationships of rich American teens who somehow manage to have everything. I mean, from the amount MTV is paying them to have cameras strapped to their asses, I stop asking why. But then again, could you really have people following you around, snapping up every snide comment you make in passing or taking a jab at your outfit when you didn't have enough time to dress or showing you where your boyfriend really was last night?

The life of a celebrity, my dahlings. Deal with it.

So let's break it down. The cast :

Lauren Conrad

Audrina Patridge

Lo Bosworth

Heidi Montag

Spencer Pratt

Stephanie

Justin Bobby

Brody Jenner

Jayde

Stacie

Kelly Cutrone

Lauren is the centre of the story. Lo and Audrina are her friends. Heidi and Lauren used to be best friends. Heidi and Spencer are dating. Stephanie is Spencer's sister. Audrina and Justin Bobby are dating. Brody Jenner and Jayde are dating. Stacie is the bartender. Kelly Cutrone is Lauren's boss.

THE DRAMA.

Lauren and Lo have always been friends as far as I know. Audrina and Lauren weren't always friends because someone started a rumour that Justin Bobby was cheating on Audrina with Lauren (Not true.)

Heidi and Lauren used to be best friends, but Spencer started a rumour that Lauren had a sex tape with her previous boyfriend Jason (Not true) and Heidi didn't stand up for her best friend, because she was so in love. Heidi has so far been trying to get back into Lauren's life but the latter isn't allowing that to happen.

Also Spencer flirted with Stacie at the bar and Cameron, Stephanie's ex-boyfriend sees this and tells Heidi, leading her to call Spencer on the spot. Spencer gets mad and punches Cameron. Heidi and Spencer now attend couple therapy. In this whole relationship, Spencer has so far destroyed Heidi's relationship with her sister, her mother and Lauren.

Stephanie is Spencer's wishy washy sister, who can't really tell right from wrong. She fucks up the internship Kelly Cutrone gives her at People's Revolution and then later blames it on Kelly to her face. In the previous season, Stephanie went out with Doug, who was seeing Lauren at the time. Stephanie is also trying to get Lauren to forgive Heidi, but ends up pissing Lauren off instead.

Brody and Audrina have something going on, while Brody is dating Playmate Jayde. Audrina sleeps in Brody's bed and Jayde gets all bitchy, not to mention she drinks like a fish. Brody eventually chooses his girlfriend over his friend.

Kelly Cutrone is drama-less. She is just stone, cold and sober. But from what I see, also a good boss.

And now that Season 5 is over, Lauren is leaving. Now this saddens me so, because she is the only smart one in the group who actually makes sense when she decides things or when she argues. She has her reasons, and she stands by them. And she doesn't slut around.

Season 6. Some chick called Kristin Cavallari is replacing Lauren Conrad. And according to reliable sources, she is a right bitch. She and Lauren hate each other because they were both running after the same guy blah blah blah Kristin is apparently a real bitch, because she played dirty.

We'll see how this plays out as Lauren walks off with the brains of the show, leaving the bitch behind.

I really do advise people to watch this show. Because for all the various types of relationships people have entered, endured and ended, The Hills has seen it happen and it will show you just what each outcome will mean for you. So it's no point having your friend tell you the same thing over and over again just to have you brush it away as 'just another opinion', when all the answers you want are on this show. How to stand up for yourself, how to be strong, how to know that he's not for you, how to know he is.

How to know if you're just doing it because he loves you.

Really, people.

Your friend will thank you. Or buy you the box set.

Cheers.