She's Too Young.

To be losing control.

I moan for a lot of little things. Little little things that shouldn't affect me but do. Things that don't even occur to other people as being problems.

And things others plainly take for granted.

But I do moan for them. Because I don't have it. And to see others just making full use of it and having the time of their lives with it sometimes makes me ... reflect.

Reflect on how it would have been had I not. How it would have been if I had known this is how I would feel a decade later. Reflect on whether the outcome would in fact be better had I not.

Reflect on why all the reflection.

And yet, reality hits me like a slap in the head. It can't be any other way because it just isn't. I am on a different path and I should be thankful for it.

If only there was a way for the Fates to tell me how to be a little more grateful and not moan about why it is this way. The way hungry children receive bowls of rice, without asking what is due in return. The way an estranged lover runs back into the relationship, without the partner wondering what overcame him.

The way I should be doing this.

I know that a year, is just a year. If I am meant to miss something, maybe it's so I can discover just how to approach it the next time the opportunity arrives.

But I don't like conforming. Conforming to the way things are, and not fighting for the way it should be. I want to break the cycle, before it breaks me.

And that, may be one of the biggest battles of my lifetime.

Cheers.