Situations.

I can't handle it.

This is going to be another one of those I-am -talking-to-you-not-you-not-you-not you-but you-yes-you kind of posts. Where I don't really have a steady train of thought, but one that decides to stop at random points on the tracks for crazy amounts of time, and then make you switch to another train that seems to move at first and then stop again just to piss the hell out of you.

Kind of the one I was on yesterday.

So recently, I have been faced yet again with 'that certain situation' where I am unable to participate in something which would allow my life to be a little more colourful and entertaining and possibly a little less lonely. That situation that I sometimes curse when I am all alone, thinking of what else I could be doing with my life at that point in time. The situation that I could easily pull myself out of, but choose to sit and suffer through for the time being.

I have pretty much come to that point in that emotions cycle where you just can't be bothered anymore. After you find something you think might be worth pouring your time and effort into, you do. And sometimes you get pretty favourable results.

If you're tall, pretty and skinny, that is.

So that means for me it pretty much backfires. And once you get over the fact that as much effort and thought as you put into the situation, you will only get just as much negative drama back in your face. And after a while, you just turn asexual. Totally uninterested in anything that would have sent you head over heels just before. Because you just fucking give up really. You try - nothing happens. You don't try - really, nothing happens.

But I digress.

I was talking about not being old enough, and then I moved on to my issues with the male species. See what I mean about trains not moving?

So yes. I could easily do something about my situation, and possibly lift myself out of it with a make-do Get Out Of Jail Free card (it is really like being in jail.) It would be a tiny expense out of my weekly budget, but for all the times I would be using it - it would be more than worth it.

But I really can't be fucking bothered.

Because I don't care how many people I don't meet. I don't care how many people I don't get to make out with. I don't care how much fun I would have. I don't care how many nights I would come back from a good night absolutely drunk. I don't care how much time I would not spend sitting in my room, staring into space.

I don't give a shit.

So why do you?

Be selfish. Let me wallow in my despair. If I can't be bothered about these things, I don't see why you should. When I feel like it's time, I will make the effort. Because if you know me well enough, I will swallow my pride and fears and do everything I can to make this happen. My drive will be my only motivation, so I don't see how you could help me at any amount.

When I figure myself out, I'll let you know.

Cheers.