Stop.

Is it clear for me to go?

FALSE.

Just how long does it take you to realise that the people you had laid your trust in all this while suddenly emptied that bucket of it? Drained it until it was bone dry. Made sure every last drop of trust had been sucked up by the concrete it was poured onto.

And then proceeded to take your heart and wring out any emotion you had left stored in it.

It depends, really. Based on, well quite obviously, how much liquid trust you laid in them in the first place. How much of that dripped from you when they pricked your heart with a blade. How much they decided to collect in the bucket, and how much else they let you bleed out until you were exhausted.

And that is how you trust people. After you've spent most of your past building up walls to guard yourself from emotional attack, it becomes very difficult to allow any diffusion through these walls. Just as negative feelings bounce off the walls, positive emotions are blocked from leaving. After all, they leave you only to be destroyed or transformed into negative thoughts. Without these walls, you would be left in a state of delirium - deciding between depression or catharsis.

As I have said before, there is nothing more binding and powerful than the weapon of trust. Like a steel blade, only free from deterioration; like biological armament, only without an antidote; like a stab in the back, only a lot more effective. Yes, trust is a powerful weapon. But it is as powerful as it is scarce.

It's not something someone would readily give you. Unless they have a really good plan.

Or they really enjoy the sex.

But once you have it, wow, your possibilities are only limited by your personal capacity for causing anarchy. You can tear apart friendships, relationships, and perhaps countries. The world, why not? Imagine the amount of pain you could inflict on those who deserve it. Or don't.

No firearm in the world would give you the same amount of pleasure; it's almost orgasmic.

THE CATCH.

If that person is already protected by several emotional barriers, you probably won't get very far. You might appease them to a certain extent, or break down a certain number of walls, but the barrier closest to the heart is usually the strongest. And if that person has already been broken several times, you might just die trying.

And this story of pain somehow always relates to ... me. Maybe when you keep getting beaten down for reasons you can't comprehend, you don't get what you deserve, you don't get the support you need, you can't understand the separation or the categorisation, you could begin to realise that things are just better when you are alone. Completely alone. With no one to ask why you are that way.

No one to question your paradox of happiness.

Perhaps it's time to truly understand emotional solitude. Being sealed. Being unbreakable.

Being unbeatable.

Because after all, I have all that trust buried inside me.

'Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broken.'

'But you can still see the crack in that motherfucker's reflection.'

Cheers.