I Have Never Been More Scared.

Than I am at this point in time.

FACT : I am scared of people.

That's why I try to make the effort to meet people and make myself so grotesquely vulnerable so that people would like me and I would familiarise myself with them and not be so scared. But I am still scared. The fear is always there. Lately I've been keeping to myself. Hang on, let's make it a bit clearer. Lately, I've been WANTING to keep to myself. Yes, that's so unlike me, I hear you say.

But this is what I've what I've become. A recluse. So afraid to approach people around me. For fear of rejection. For fear of disapproval. For fear of disappointment. For fear of fear itself.

I can't do it anymore. I want to be who I was before. Fun. Loving. Creative. Enthusiastic. Attention seeker. Where has that gone? It's disappeared. Locked up. I don't even know.

I just want me back. I am at odds here because I've quite basically lost myself and changed into something I vowed I never would be. I want my confidence back.

You hear that?

I WANT MY FUCKING CONFIDENCE BACK, BITCH.

Cheers.

PS. Sorry, but a perpetual state of panic is not a very nice place to be.