We're All Looking For Someone We Don't Know.

We know it's out there.

Happiness, I mean. That soulful experience we all want to embark on has already been planned out to the very last detail like which hat we'll be wearing and at what time the sun should set. We've got the entire path laid out before us. It's just a matter of who. The when follows closely after.

And the sad thing about this is - that we're all treading on through this bleak world of hate, lies and misery just so that at the end of it, we can have that assured bliss. That ultimate feeling of achievement shared with someone that appreciates everything you are and is grateful for knowing you.


And we start looking now.


We're not getting any younger, you know. Already some of us are legal and stepping out from the protective shell we call home. We're so eager and so wanting for this part of life that we know is there and we know is somewhere around the corner, so much so, that we keep spinning around life like a pinball hitting every obstacle possible until we slip through the gates and end up losing everything.


Hits and misses - that's what it is. It's like we're going around blindfolded in a room full of people, poking everything in sight and feeling them up to see if they are just right. You don't know if that person you just poked is the serial killer on Elm Street or Mr. Homebody. He could even be a gay pornstar - and you're not going to know until that very moment, when you are usually to far in.


Recently, one of us became involved in what I call The Curse. The P______ Curse. And it doesn't stand for pornstar - for she is one herself. It was a whirlwind drama. And when I say drama, I mean DRAMA.


It was the classic approach. So classic, that I could have predicted what he was going to wear the next day. First, make yourself look like the hottest person alive. After, speak about yourself like you're the hottest person alive. Typically, you should say you are a model, and drop some designer names. Now, to all girls big and small, ugly and pretty - that is the most -used line in the history of picking up women.


Imagine the Roman gladiator saying : Hey babe, I model this metal junk I'm wearing, you know. It's Guess Rome, baby.


Exactly.

And after, when you have the girl just at the entrance of those gates to your evil soul, you tell her a story. Not just any story. The life and death story. Girls, it goes along the lines of this :

'I have never loved anyone more than her. She was the one and only. We were perfect for each other. We were going to get married.'

And after that it should be EITHER:

'And then she died in a car crash.'

OR

'And then she got lost. I went to every country, even the Poles of the earth just in case she might have fallen in love with a penguin. Or Santa.'

But somehow, these pea-brained wastes of chromosomes have found more innovative ways of letting the girl in. For instance,

'My father was a prostitute. He wasn't happy with my mother nor my brother's mother, so he went for Secretary. I don't blame him - she was hot. And always dressed in lingerie. She likes to stick to his work ethics. One night, I was high. Drunk. Gay-fucked. Whatever. And I found a sword. I wanted to kill someone. So I thought, who do I hate? It was either my dad, my mum (hey, I was high), or Secretary. But I couldn't do that to Secretary. She was so ... hot. OK, definitely mum.

Suddenly, I realised the key to my future. I decided to go to college.'

And after this part, he throws the girl a pathetic look. And she will follow.

Now girls, it is at this point that you're halfway in. So all he has to do now is ... nothing. You, being an intelligent girl, will call every person you know and gossip about him. And they will all ask to meet him. You will think about this over and over, playing that story in your head as the image of him passes by.

And then, one last thing. The phone call.

'Hey, you wanna hang out?'

Bingo. You're dead. Dead in love, I mean. Because at this point, you like this guy. And it is the time he's gonna start mucking you up. They are many, and they are various. Examples are :

'I think I like you.' Means don't give a fuck about you, and wow look at your facial expression.

'I may be falling for a friend.' Means I wanna fuck you and leave you the next day.

'I don't want to talk about it, but I like you alot.' Means I have no idea what I just said, but I do know that it's going to make you want me tomorrow.

Simple, ain't it ladies? But how can something so simple get brains like ours to crumble so fast?

Hopefully, after this extremely long post (genuinely sorry, I hate reading excessively long posts as well) you will be able to recognise the key moves of a player's game and keep one step ahead at all times. Because as long as you can do that, you and your heart are pretty safe.

Unless ... they are just too damn hot. For which, you leave your brains at the door. And have a Fucking good time.

Cheers.