A Greek Tragedy.

With Italians and all.

In the last post I mentioned that how everything we imagine to be stable is going to crash down on us. And how we are going to send ourselves to heartbreak as soon as we realise how much we have lost.

Well, it's here now.

I could get onto something all of you can relate to, but instead here's me being selfish.

It didn't have to end, because it didn't have to start. But I decided to take a chance and tell myself that nothing more than an acquaintance was going to come out of it. And as things always sound right in my head, they come out as total gibberish in action. My brain tells my heart something, and my heart nods away while destroying everything in front of it.

Chaos ensues. In my head, I'm counting down. And in my heart, I'm dreaming of advancing until the very last moment when everything falls apart. I try everything - using people I know, coming up with stupid excuses in my head to comfort myself, hoping that he likes me too.

And what happens? Squat. I make a fool of myself, he loses nothing. Same old, same old.

Tell me when you hear something new.

Maybe I'm trying to hold onto something here. Something grounded. Something to look forward too. Subconsciously, I'm trying to escape before the gates are even open. And that's why I keep crashing into them, only accomplishing grill burn.

But it's not like I didn't give it any effort. Do you think I like making myself seem extra friendly to you? Do you think I like looking stupid just to get your attention? Do I live to entertain people? Perhaps. But it's not the way I picture myself living my life forever. I can't be the jester all the time. Especially not for the people I need the most.

It's quite funny really. The way we both know we're there, the way we turn to look at each other, and yet we act as if none of that happened. I don't do anything because, of pure ego. And you, lord knows why. If one of us just gave up the silly game and tried some maturity for a change, I wouldn't be typing this out in the thick of night, trying to figure out my feelings.

But I'm doing this. And you're doing that. And I'm here talking about someone who probably doesn't even remember my name.

So this is how I wanted my finale to look like. A stubborn boy who hides behind the mask of a wary child. A bitter tortured soul that lies behind a character of smiles and laughter. And a war between the two until the very end.

This Greek Tragedy lives on.

Cheers.