He Makes Me So So Bad.

What can I do - I love trouble.

First of all, GABE SAPORTA.

Second of all, NEW SONG.

Third of all, COBRA STARSHIP.

Let's begin.

I don't know why, but when the disco beat started out, I wanted to cry. I honestly wanted to get on my knees and just cry. Because Cobra Starship is a narcotic.

And when Gabe Saporta started singing, I really cried.

I don't know what it is about his voice that makes me just want to bawl, but I do know it has
something to do with it being magically beautiful.

BUT. As I do with all things in life, I have a problem.

Kara Dioguardi and Kevin Rudolph and Leighton Meester.

She wrote the songs and he mixed the beat and she __ (insert random act of slutness here)__.

If by now, you have not realised the issue here, please guide your cursor to the right-hand corner of your screen to the big blinking X. There you shall receive explicit instructions to close this page, shut off your computer, crawl into your bed and cry about why you don't know this answer. After which you will write down a million reasons why you still qualify as my friend and you will call me and sob them to me. After careful deliberation, we shall decide the terms of our contract.

I mean it.

But for those of you who have understood it before I even finished Kara whatshername's name, you may continue reading.

Cobra Starship a sell-out?

At first glance, yes. The lyrics should have come from the heart of the Cobras, the beats should have been spun by Vicky-T, the master keytarist and Leighton Meester ... WHO??

Oh, that girl from Gossip Whatevers that walks around like she owns the world.

Why can't she just stick to that? Oh no, don't tell me it was too boring.

But upon further investigation, perhaps the Cobras are just exploring their musical vibe. They haven't forgotten their fans (not yet, and hopefully never) and their sound hasn't changed that much. Let's just say I'm setting the boundary at rap and Timbaland.

If this occurs, the band will start to sound like The Gays Five and one of them will marry a failed rock princess/slut and have a child named after an animal. The others will fade into obesity and set out to corrupt other rising bands.

Whatever it is, Cobra Starship stays in my heart forever.

And Gabe Saporta stays in me forever too.

Cheers.