There is an ongoing battle in my mind. It literally never quits thinking. It's grateful, but it's paranoid. It's wishful, but it's afraid. It's dreaming, and then it stops.
Because it just can't decide. Both sides have such good points, that they both constantly seem better than the other. And in the end, it leaves me so spun around with thoughts that I can't wait for the truth to reveal itself.
It is at this point that I am sure none of you know what I am talking about.
And if you do -
How nice of you to join me in this insanity.
It's as if, I don't want to hope too much, because if I want something so bad I'm not going to get it. And then again, somedays, I have to hope for something so much just so it comes true - and it does.
And it just repeats every single day. I sort of see a pattern in this fate game, where the rules change for each new day. So every morning I wake up and I have to try and see whether the day had turned out to my expectations, and I use the turnout to see how to wish for things for the rest of the day. But the thing is, it's morning. But that doesn't matter to my psychotic mind. Even the time I wake up can be a huge clue.
And this whole thing just continues all day long.
I have two really huge things I'm counting on right now, one of them being way bigger than the other, while both of them are still pretty big deals to me.
The two things are : Blah and Blah.
Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh you will never know.
Okay sorry. The rules just don't allow me to today. And perhaps, never.
I know that this thing I have in my head is most probably shortening my life span as we speak and makes me a major candidate for intense psychotherapy, but I can't help it. I think I'm on this quest for the key to life, and I am just not ready to end the pursuit even if it could kill me.
So right now, I just have to keep thinking. Because if I need anything to come true, it's both of those things.
BOTH of them.
Cheers.
No comments:
Post a Comment