If I See A Man Waving.

Does this mean I'm not alone?

Once again I have my work piled up to my eyebrows and I am sitting here, desperately trying to sort out my feelings as if the solution was imminent. Talk about total idiocy married to perfect procrastination.

Yes, it's the feeling again. That missing feeling. When it's the only thing that could bring your day crashing down. When it's the only thing that upsets you when the times are good. When it's the only thing that causes those stormy clouds over your head.

When they are the only thing you want.

But no, it isn't who you think it is. I tend to be able to miss at least 5 different people in one week consequently, mind you, and we shall not underestimate the power of my insanity. This time it is someone I am allowed to miss, and it is someone I am allowed to reveal my feelings to. Someone who keeps moving away from me at the start of every week, and quickly returns at the end of it.

Someone I need.

And I know that in less than a month I would be able to spend as much time as I can with them. I would not need to return to my solitude and my empty room and my despair once the weekend is over. I would be able to leave my worries behind here and the things that I want to be confused with can lay here under my bed until I return.

But oh gosh, a good month away from myself.

That must be a relief.

For now, the person I thought I missed I miss no more - to my relief and partial disappointment. Because I can move back into my shell now, where I was not vulnerable, and I can start to think again of all the things that make me happy. And the things which I like to have around me to keep me satisfied and content.

But the missing feeling? Oh. Well as long as I'm human, it's always going to be there. I am always going to want to miss somebody. I am always going to want to long for companionship. I am always going to want someone to hold me in their arms and make sure that I am okay at any point in time. I am always going to need someone to fill that space in my heart.

That space in my heart.

Cheers.