My Cocaine.

I'll have you forever.

I've lost it. I've lost how to effortlessly deliver my ideas into my posts so they are worth reading. I've lost how to engage readers, even myself, into understanding my emotions and my thoughts through words. I've lost just how important my blogging is to me. It's now become a chore, a task - when it used to be something I yearned to do. Something I used to shut the rest of my thoughts out from. Something I used to dedicate myself to. And now it just seems like something I have to do, to keep myself busy when the nights are lonely.

Always lonely.

And then I realised it's because the blog needs me now, when I used to need the blog. I treated it like an entity because it was more than a web address, a binary code, or your weekend alternative to sex pages. It was alive. It heard me when I cried to it. It listened and watched as I revealed my deepest secrets, my desires, my obsessions. And it cared. The more I turned to it, the more it transformed to a living being.

But things changed. I started to see the better things in life past the disasters. I discovered the people in my life who were really there for me all the while. People I could touch, smell and see. My reliance onto virtual companions started to dissolve, and soon after that I forgot about it. Unbeknownst to me, this blog was dying and had been left without anything to give it life again.

It's concrete existence was still there, as it would be permanently -and I started composing mediocre posts. I would combine completely unrelated ideas with false emotions, just for the sake of keeping this blog alive. Just barely. I may as well have started posting pictures of people eating.

Forcing it is an understatement.

But I've realised that a second-grade blog is no blog at all to me. I am going to make an effort now to be genuine (oh the effort) and post about things I really care about and describe how exactly I feel about things, all the while maintaining some sort of quality control just avoid poisoning.

For my mind and yours.

So I either end this writer's block, or kill this blog altogether with the click of a button.

And I'll choose the former.

Much to your dismay.

Cheers.