I Will Enjoy This One.

Now this is what I'm talking about when I mean tags. This is the mother of all tags.

The Hot Guys Tag starts now. In no particular order.

Disclaimer : Any hot male body left out of this post is by pure accident. And don't worry, you still give me the tingles at night. And the heat.

Gabe Saporta
(the only husband to last this long)
The lead singer of Cobra Starship.

Gaspard Ulliel (Gasp - hard!)
Gorgeous French actor who has a knack for psychopathic roles.

Jean Sarkozy
Son of French President, who did not get his height from his father.

Andrea Casiraghi
Monaco royalty.

Pierre Casiraghi
Andrea's brother, said to be the more vivacious of the two.

Christian Siriano

(He is too adorable to be left out!)
Winner of Season 4 Project Runway, and the cutest fashion designer to date (Yes, I mean both ways.)

Daniel Vosovic
Runner-up of Project Runway Season 3

Dmitri Lekkos
An Elite Model

Johnny Whitworth
Acted in Pathology

Ryan Burns
A Storm Model

Cam Gigandet
Beautiful actor (It says Godspeed. It's for me, you know.)

Basshunter
Excellent DJ (among other things.)

Arthur Okoun
L.A. Models
(Sorry, the picture is huge.)

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg75fA93fl54bAJ2p1_-fS-lsdG7RuGDXCeLMvzlVQIMID8L3D-CsPvxK3KZWQTvzhJ6zCaKRAv1rtouIKHGx7ayIg1cHXjs4qnESU_HY5NPGXTqHyl1woBlNQQNil7d9l28iNDTdI6eco/s1600-h/honey.jpg


And my favourite picture of him:

James Twilight
We're getting married soon.

- (Absolutely) No comment -

I'm So Sorry.

I'm a selfish bitch. And a first - class hypocrite.

This whole blog, whether I admit or not, is dedicated to my sorrows. And I force you guys to read this because ... 'you will know the true bitter me.' I have nearly no pictures up, the colours are drab and gauche, and it's really annoying that I don't use short forms.

Also, I bitch about everything. I bitch about my past, present and future. And I blame every problem and issue I have right now on it.

The fact of the matter is I am too fucking lazy to change. I am too lazy to bend down and pick up the pieces, paste them together and move along. I've basically left them on the ground where it had fallen, and have no intention in the near future to move them. I'll just sit in my pool of sorrows and wait for them to somehow consume me.

It would have been fine if it was just me in these murky waters. But I've taken along others with me. And I feel especially terrible about this because there are some people who want to have something to do with me, eventhough I profess that nobody loves me, everybody hates me. I go on about how unwanted I am, and in the process drag my friends down with me to drink in this pool.

So right now, I am just going to say that I am sorry. I am sorry that I am full of woe (Wednesday babies are full of woe, did you know?) and I am sorry I am hating the world because I think it hates me. What happened to me were just bad experiences. But I've got to get out of this shit, and behave myself. And stop making excuses for my behaviour.

I am so sorry.

I love you all, for every little thing you've done for me - no matter how small and no matter how crazy.

-No comment-

Rehab Is Now Just A Song.

It's like I checked into rehab

Cos baby, you're my disease.

One of Rihanna's singles of her new album Good Girl Gone Bad is the song Rehab. No, this time it's not a highly - nasal, crack - inspired, 60's - type serenade from a girl to her father about how she can't live without her vices. This time, it's about that less-obvious drug we tend to live on (but not necessarily admit) : love.

The song itself has really awesome lyrics, with a sort of violin/guitar - like beginning, and a tambourine beat throughout it. Rihanna's voice - however digitally manipulated - turns it into something a little more than a passing number one track. The whole vibe of the song is sort of reminiscent of a bad past, and also full of intense regret. And also how at the time everything the guy to her, or for her - seemed just.

Sound familiar?

Yes, this is the song that got me over certain 'people'. And thank goodness this song ever came out, because until today, this is the only song I can fully relate to. At least 90%. And it helped me so much - thinking about the past as much as I could, so in the end the more I thought of it, the less sour it tasted. And singing it out loud made my head just a little lighter.

But right now, I have good news. This song had previously been tagged to bitter memories. But now, it's just a song. It's just a great song.

In fact, I did go to Rehab. I got rid of my disease.

And now in true celebrity fashion, I walk out, head held high, with paparazzi clinging to my heels trying their best to snap a picture of my underwear, or perhaps its absence.

Speaking of whom - go listen to Circus. Awesome song!

-No comment-

This Week's Orgasmic Men.

I shall start naming the top three orgasmic men of the week - as selected by yours truly.

Now now, from least orgasmic to most orgasmic:

3rd Place : I love Josh Farro.

And watch this : http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=RvnkAtWcKYg

I guarantee you will touch yourself. Also in the video, between 3.03 - 3.06, I have never seen a cuter butt.

2nd Place : I love Eddie Cahill more.

If you have seen bluer eyes, then get off my blog!

You don't need to solve my case baby, because I'm already guilty of loving you.

(Sorry. I'm too in love to stop the corniness.)

1st Place : I love Cam Gigandet most. Now married to me, ladies. Too bad, too sad.

How can you not love this man? Vampire. Whatever.

-Dies-

You know what's better than a biker jacket and ripped jeans?

James in a biker jacket and ripped jeans.

Oh thank god I married you.

I want to eat something off those arms.

And because the goddamn photo won't load :

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh77xbYg5tpV4xkU7X28KddLxoiAUM708oWVgss2fNKYCdWiTUDtULLCjgcrbOWllwDdOiNFbczGCpjrHmix48zx0Pi-ZZFugg8vpqeSzJTfEy_vlwqNtQiJKMrfbstYVrQSyJIxIzqus0/s1600-h/Cam+Gigandet+%2819%29.jpg

Yes girls, it's time to have a fun night.

And boys, it's OK to be gay. You make good best friends.

-No comment-

Taming The Beast.

I've discovered yet another flaw in my personality.

I act, I sing, I dance, I prance, I sit on the floor, I laugh histerically, I make up new words, I laugh about that too, I make up songs to go with my dancing, I push, I shove, I trip and tumble, and laugh again ...

And it gains me nothing.

I thought that maybe, if I am good at anything, I am good at putting a smile on people's faces. I thought that throughout the mess in my life, I could actually do something well - making people laugh in the toughest of times. I could make a complete fool of myself and know that something good will come out of it - that everyone around me will appreciate me for something.

Maybe all I was doing was making a complete fool of myself.

And then I realised. Hah. Anyone can make anybody laugh. It's not that hard, you know. Anyone can sit on the floor and laugh hysterically, anyone can sing and dance and make silly jokes about themselves. Anyone can put a smile on anybody elses' faces.

So what does that make me? Temporary entertainment. A for-that-moment kind of person. And once that moment has passed, I leave no imprint in your mind. Like something that washes over you, but doesn't exactly enter you.

Simply putting it, I am my internet connection.

I can't connect.

That's just it. And that is why I'm the one left out of deep intimate secrets. That's why it takes a really long time for people to be able to tell me things, and discuss their lives with me. That's why I am the girl everyone laughs at when they're bored with sharing their stories.

And you know what? I'm sick of this. I am sick of everyone's perception of me being the person who does not know what's right and wrong. I am sick of being the person people think that does not have a clue about relationships, in spite of me not having an official one. I am sick of people thinking that I don't understand their problems or thoughts or opinions on love. I am sick of people assuming that I won't 'get it'. I am sick of people thinking that I haven't been through shit.

Tell you what. I'm going to prove to you right here, right now that I do know what the fuck is going on.


I have been through three relationships (start to finish), not of my own, but of my friends - patching up their holes and problems, and making sure everyone ends up OK.
I have been through a painful unofficial one of my own, and had nearly no help with it.
I have been lied to by people I trusted, and by the person I had feelings for.
I have been backstabbed by someone else I trusted, who had feelings for me.
I have been left to fix my problems as they come.
I was a kiss that crossed me of a list.
I was mistreated, and taken advantage of - physically and emotionally.
I have cried over the problems of my best friends, because it hurt ME so fucking bad.
I have sat in a cloud of confusion because I had no fucking idea what was going on.
I have had to come out of this disaster, picking up the pieces.


And it all happened in the course of six months.


Yeah, it's a wonder that I haven't turned into a social reject by now. But all I am asking for you to have a clearer perception of me and not to judge me as the airhead with nothing better to do than to laugh to herself day in day out.


Sometimes, still waters aren't the only ones that run deep.



-No comment-

Trusting, Not Trusted.

I try.

My previous sob-story probably seems to all of you like a 'nobody loves me, everybody hates me' issue but I really can't help that I had to go through something like that; and if I could, I wouldn't have. Sorry that I was tortured. I won't do it again.

I really try my best to prove to the friends that I have now in any way possible, that I'm worth it. I'm worth their time, their laughter, their tears, their money, their company, their love, their care. I make every effort to convince them, or at least make them believe that they can keep me for a little while longer. They should understand by now it's really hard for me to maintain a friend, or to believe I'm able to. And I would do ANYTHING to make the friends I have now last for me.

But maybe I just trust them too much. Isn't this what got me into this mess in the first place? I tell my friends everything. But maybe it's because I am trying to gain their trust by exchanging valuable information, a silent blackmail per se.

And I know for a fact that I am not trusted enough. I don't remember what it feels like really to be trusted, really. I give up on everything so easily because perhaps I don't have anything to hold onto. Friends exchange information between themselves, and in the end I seem to be the only one left out of this game. It's not the secret that matters to me - that's not going to make me sleep better at the end of the day. What is though, is the act of you guys being able to tell me in the first place.

Maybe it's the face, the face of someone who can easily spread rumours like wildfire. Or maybe it's just the way I deal with secrets : I appear to take them lightly, but I do keep them guarded inside. Yet, when it starts to spread, everyone looks at me.

Basically, what I am trying to get across is the fact that I never take into account how much people value me. And in that case, I may as well say that I don't think I am a friend at all. Don't get me wrong, you guys are precious to me. Solid gold. Not that I would sell you for money.

But I'm afraid I can't say the same about how you feel about me.

-No comment-

*If you don't want your secrets coming my way, don't pretend it is. Don't act as if I know exactly how you are inside and out and in actual fact I'm just playing with an image. If you don't want to distribute valuable information to me, then please turn a deaf ear on mine. I'm sorry I value you enough to break it to you.

It Will Never Be The Same.

I'm depressed, really.

My story of friendship starts with me having none at all. I had friends who used to tag after me, waiting to join in on my next outburst of excitement; and others wanting to know what I was all about. And then I moved into a new environment of more mature females, who now understood the meaning of posession. In this case, being crayons.

Nevertheless I managed to get along with some really friendly ones, and nothing else in the world seemed more perfect. I finally knew what 'best friend' meant.

Or did I. Because it was after this period in my life, that I would learn that no one is really ever selflessly nice to you; they're good to you because you're useful. And best friends never existed, and never will. And that from that point on, back-stabbing is the new and only name of the game.

I was let down by my 'best friends' and thrown into a pit of hungry lions, waiting to tear me alive, by picking at every one of my disadvantages. And it may seem pretty trivial at this point, but imagine having all your friends by your side one minute, and then they leave you the very next. I did not ask for my disadvantages - it was merely handed to me and I just didn't say no. My every move was criticised and I had no one to bitch about them to. I cried on the way home, and I cried on the way back to school.

I survived that; but my pride had taken a serious beating. No longer was I confident talking to people, no longer did I shine with the same light I had when I was younger. I was totally convinced that no one would want to be my friend. I used to fear being in people's company, because I would rather spare them the torture. I also think that people will never be able to trust me again with anything. I am afraid that when the time comes, I'd be dropped like a hot iron. And when people 'befriend' me, I thought it was really just a pathetic show to entertain them in the meantime.

And you know what?

It's all still true.

It's funny - that people can see me behave without a care in the world, and think I take things lightly and laugh at myself when I'm embarassed and just make jokes about everything.

But you have no idea, just how much that image has just fooled you.

-No comment-