Sizzle, Frazzle, Pop.

Goes my brain.

It's been an explosion of things lately. Not anything of importance, but an explosion nonetheless. It is at this point that I need LXJ to talk to but she seems to be tired, ill and laden with work all the once. And when we do get a chance to speak, we're interrupted by frequent phone calls. So I give up. Since she's away from her landline at this point, it seems we've lost a little more than a telephone connection.

Beforehand, I would have a had a million and one things to discuss with her, all listed down in my head alphabetically. And as soon as I hear her voice, it disappears completely. Before we speak, she explains the time constraint. And how able she is at the moment to process my whining. And so the conversation continues with sighs and deep breaths. Until finally, someone rings and she has to go.

The bland dialogue is over.

It never used to be like this. I used to force myself to keep a smile on through the hardest of days because I know that when I arrive home I can dissipate all my worries by talking to her. I could tell her even the weirdest event of the day, or even the most embarrassing, and that would be an end to it.

But now, I have to take a new path. Unable to call her during the weekdays, and hardly getting the chance on weekends, I've decided to push my problems to the back of my head. As far back as I possibly can. Not ever hoping to retrieve them. And in the process, wishing that they dissolve into the fluids without a trace.

It's not her fault at all. She didn't ask to me sick. She didn't ask to be busy. She didn't ask to be away from me. But someone did. And someone got their wish. Because right now, I can feel the strings loosening a little bit. I can feel this connection ... disconnecting. Breaking up. Like the telephone line during a blackout in a horror movie.

We will spend as much time as we can together when it's time for the curtain call. I promise. Until then, it's going to be me trying as hard as I can to focus on what means the most to me right now. Hoping on every star out there that I work as hard as I can and achieve the best results possible.

XXXXX

In other news, I am having a hard time concentrating because I'm trying to plan a party over here! Two, actually. Where, what, who, how, and what on fucking earth to wear? Seems almost apropos to plan it now, but given various circumstances I have to put that on hold until mid year.
Dayum. Anyway, here's another addition to my birthday registry.

Yes. It's the oversized clutch purse. For those of you unable to afford the Chanel purse (how could you?) you may get the much cheaper and just as lovely one at Vincci. Now people, the colours in question here are black and gold. In the picture directly above, Hilary Duff and Mary-Kate have the perfect-sized clutch. Just so you guys don't buy me luggage. You're welcome.

Cheers.

PS. My 90th post!