It Will Never Be The Same.

I'm depressed, really.

My story of friendship starts with me having none at all. I had friends who used to tag after me, waiting to join in on my next outburst of excitement; and others wanting to know what I was all about. And then I moved into a new environment of more mature females, who now understood the meaning of posession. In this case, being crayons.

Nevertheless I managed to get along with some really friendly ones, and nothing else in the world seemed more perfect. I finally knew what 'best friend' meant.

Or did I. Because it was after this period in my life, that I would learn that no one is really ever selflessly nice to you; they're good to you because you're useful. And best friends never existed, and never will. And that from that point on, back-stabbing is the new and only name of the game.

I was let down by my 'best friends' and thrown into a pit of hungry lions, waiting to tear me alive, by picking at every one of my disadvantages. And it may seem pretty trivial at this point, but imagine having all your friends by your side one minute, and then they leave you the very next. I did not ask for my disadvantages - it was merely handed to me and I just didn't say no. My every move was criticised and I had no one to bitch about them to. I cried on the way home, and I cried on the way back to school.

I survived that; but my pride had taken a serious beating. No longer was I confident talking to people, no longer did I shine with the same light I had when I was younger. I was totally convinced that no one would want to be my friend. I used to fear being in people's company, because I would rather spare them the torture. I also think that people will never be able to trust me again with anything. I am afraid that when the time comes, I'd be dropped like a hot iron. And when people 'befriend' me, I thought it was really just a pathetic show to entertain them in the meantime.

And you know what?

It's all still true.

It's funny - that people can see me behave without a care in the world, and think I take things lightly and laugh at myself when I'm embarassed and just make jokes about everything.

But you have no idea, just how much that image has just fooled you.

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